I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
