We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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