Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize