Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
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Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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