My room smells like vodka and shame
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
