i just wanna soil my oats bro
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
As shirtless as possible
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
