Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
