I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
