sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
