Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
