I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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