I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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