Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Pants are for mortals
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
