Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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