So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
