I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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