i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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