i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
