dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
