he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
