either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
