I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
