I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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