If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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