I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
