Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
