white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
