Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Randomize
