I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
