i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
