this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
