i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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