It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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