I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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