if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
