You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
