got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My penis needs a shock collar
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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