Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
