I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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