he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
