if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize