Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
