Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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