So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
