so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
