Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
