And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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