i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
