You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
