I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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