lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
