Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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