dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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