Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
