Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
