my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
zippers are such a cool invention
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
