god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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