walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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