I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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