he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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