Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
