You really coming over, don't trick.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
