What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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