we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
