Got a toothbrush?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
