He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
