you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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