I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
