I have demons in me.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My breasts were aching with rage.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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