I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means