If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him