remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.