All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
