her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.