Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
