how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
