Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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