I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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