haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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