Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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