After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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