A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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