Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
