I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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