what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
