I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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