Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
