yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
